Ode to My Mechanic

Allow me to introduce you to Larry Hale.

Larry is my mechanic, hand-picked by my father before he passed away. When he became too ill to work on my mother's car, he said to her "If your car needs work, take it to Larry."

When I came out here from Nebraska, my mother recommended Larry to me. To date, he has never steered me wrong, nor has he left me completely broke after a repair job. Sure, he's an asshole (He'll tell you himself), but I cannot think of anyone more honest, more qualified, or more understanding than Larry. Except for tire work, I have not let another mechanic besides Larry or his assistant, Angelo, work on the cars I've owned since coming back to California. For the record, the cars were a 1992 Olds Cutlass Supreme and a 2000 Honda Civic.

Now, I've had my Honda since March, and I must say it's a workhorse. I have had absolutely no problems with it so far, just routine maintenance issues. But today, it nearly became a completely different story...

I went to Larry's to get my oil changed before work this morning (I deliver pizzas on the weekends, remember?). After about 15 minutes, I signed my credit card slip and went on my merry way.

About six minutes later, I had just got onto the freeway to get to work, when my cell rings; it was Larry. When I answered, this is what I heard:

"Pull your car over! Pull it over, right now!"

No "Hey, Rob, it's Larry," or anything like that. He literally ordered me to stop driving my car! After I pulled to the side of the road, he said that I was losing a lot of oil, and that he or Angelo would be out in a few minutes.

Angelo came out, jacked up my car, and discovered that the oil filter was defective: The rubber gasket had somehow become partially separated from the filter body. Well, he replaced the filter, and then added three (Count 'em, THREE) quarts of oil to my engine, right there on the side of the 57 Freeway. By the way, four-cylider engines hold four quarts! Even if you account for what was in the defective filter, I had lost over half of my oil in less than ten minutes!

Thanks to Larry's quick thinking, I avoided a major car problem (read: blown engine), and all it cost me was being about 15-20 minutes late to work. Hey, I'm moving next week; the last thing I needed was a hefty repair bill that would've sucked out all the money I've been saving for the move!

So, Larry, you cranky, ugly, dirty, rotten son-of-a-bitch (and I mean that affectionately), I raise my beer to you! Now, I know why you have customers who live in the Inland Empire. As of next weekend, I'll be living in Riverside, and I will still take my car to you! My mother has sung your praises for years; well, we're now officially a duet (Just make sure to cover your ears first!).

Well, It Finally Happened

Back in the days of baseball yore, if you lived in New York, you were a fan of one of three teams: the New York Yankees, the New York Giants, or the Brooklyn Dodgers. Then, in 1958, the Dodgers and Giants moved to California, preserving the Dodgers/Giants rivalry (one of the greatest in all of sports), while at the same time maintaining a tremendous dislike for the Yankees from afar (at least, from my point of view). And it seems that only Yankee fans like the Yankees these days (except, of course, for Alex Rodriguez).

Why the history lesson? Because history was made last night. Barry Bonds belted #756 into the stands at AT&T Park in San Francisco. Now, love him or hate him, you can't deny this achievement. Sure, you can talk about the whole Balco thing, or about his trainer being in jail, or the fact that he's been implicated in at least two books about steroid abuse. Sports show talking heads from Colin Cowherd (ESPN Radio) to Bob Costas (HBO Sports) "know" he uses or has used some form of steroids. Many people in this country think he should be given the Roger Maris treatment ("*"). Others think he doesn't deserve mention at all. I think the real controversy is not Barry Bonds, but the lack of respect he got on this special occasion.

Hey, I'm not crazy about him either, simply because of the fact that he is not the most receptive person when it comes to the press. I tried to justify it by thinking that his standoffish attitude was because he was focused on the game. That may be true, but for baseball fans outside San Francisco (and even some within San Francisco), he comes across as a jerk. And with all the press (both good and bad) about him this year, everyone got burned out. This, if you ask me, is why Bonds got dissed last night by the two people who should have been there: Bud Selig and Hank Aaron.

When Hank belted #715, breaking Babe Ruth's record, in 1974, at least Ruth had an excuse for not being there: he was dead. After Bonds toppled Hammerin' Hank, Hank offered his congratulations... via video! Months ago, he said he would not be there because of the Balco controversy, but he did send a video message that was taped about three weeks ago! I should note that "three weeks" is a guess, but a logical one, as Barry Bonds was still at 753 at that time.

As for Commissioner Bud Selig, he was nowhere to be seen. As a matter of fact, he was in San Diego, visiting with George Mitchell, the guy in charge of the MLB steroid investigation. How's that for irony? Oh, sure, Frank Robinson and some other muckety-muck baseball VP were there, but Selig wasn't. And his no-show last night only reaffirms my personal animosity toward him; he should've stepped down as Commissioner of Baseball after the 1994-95 strike, but that's just my opinion.

Look, love him or hate him, Barry Bonds now holds what is arguably the most sacred record in all of sports: Most Career Home Runs. But there is a good chance that his reign at the top won't last 56 years, or 33, or even 15.

I decided early on this season that I have become a fan of Alex Rodriguez. Of the three active players behind Barry Bonds in career home runs, A-rod, Sammy Sosa and Junior Griffey, it's A-Rod who has the best shot at toppling Bonds. He's only 32, and he recently hit his 500th homer, making him the youngest player to do so. Assuming ten more years in his career, with an average of about 25 dingers per year, and he's easily in the 750 Club!

Oh, why do like A-Rod? Because Yankee fans hate him!

And why am I defending Bonds? Because, steroid allegations aside, he is still a tremendous talent on the field.

So all you Barry-haters out there, give it a rest. It's done. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

(Photo from AP/Jeff Chiu)

Patton, Part II

As promised, I bring my second in the two-part Patton Videos of the Week. This time, I hope you are ready to seriously laugh! The video quality is quite poor, but the material transcends it, I promise you.

This is a stand-up routine performed by a gentleman named J.W. Horn of Plano, Texas, during what appears to be a kind of talent competition some time between the late 1980s and early 1990s. In it, he describes what hemorrhoids feel like, in the persona of General Patton. Trust me, you'll laugh till you cry!

One Last "Colortini"...

"Fire up a colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures, now, as they fly through the air."

For over 30 years, this was the mantra of a man who left an indelible impression upon the media landscape: Tom Snyder.

As I'm sure you may have heard by now, he passed away Sunday night, following a two-year battle with leukemia. Rather than regurgitate everything you've already heard, I'll just tell you what I know.

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My first recollection of him was as an anchor at KNBC News many years ago. When he left to take on "Tomorrow" (which followed "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson"), Paul Moyer stepped into the anchor seat (and by the way, he is still there!).

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I was a little too young to watch "Tomorrow" (after all, I had a bedtime through most of his NBC stint), but I do remember him on the weekend NBC Nightly News. He had a delivery that was both rough and sincere, and occasionally, he would say something slightly off-the-cuff. It made him unique. It made him endearing. It also made him the butt of jokes, but he took it in stride.

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Dan Aykroyd lampooned him on "Saturday Night Live". I distinctly remember a "Stars-on-45" parody on the Dr. Demento Show, in which a lady exclaimed "I'm watching Tom Snyder, and I don't feel any pain!" Ah, memories...

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Fast-forward to the 1990s. After David Letterman landed at CBS, he persuaded Tom Snyder to return to the air. Soon after, "The Late Late Show" was born, with Tom interviewing an eclectic repertoire of guests, ranging from authors to political figures to comedians to rock stars, just like he did on NBC. Everything was as familiar in the 90s as they were in the 70s: the two chairs (Tom in one, the guest in the other), the intimate set, the informal banter between himself and the crew on the studio floor.

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And who could forget his insight and his laugh? That laugh of his meant only one thing: Here was a man who truly enjoyed what he did for a living! I watched his CBS show as often as I could. When he left CBS, I thought he was retiring, but by the time I learned he had moved to CNBC, my work hours prevented me from watching him. It's a shame, too, because I thought this man made for riveting television.

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As a tribute, I bring you this report from NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. I don't think I could've done it any better.

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So, here's to you, Tom. I lift my glass and toast a colortini in your honor.

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(Photo from AP/CBS News)

Another 2-Part Video Treat!

I think my trip to Desert Center had something to do with this, as I have another two-part VOTW to show, this time on Gen. George S. Patton.

I didn't get a chance to go inside the Patton Museum out there in the desert, but Patton is one of my heroes, and the movie Patton is my favorite film, bar none, mainly for its brilliant performance by the great George C. Scott.

Now, far be it for me to get political in this venue, but I heard a portion of this on the radio the other day. Basically, it's a re-imagination of the famous opening sequence of Patton, only the twist is that it's done as if he was alive today. The editing is a little shaky, but the vocal talent, performed by a gentleman named Mike Kaminski, is dead-on!

Next week, I promise you far less controversial clip. Trust me. :)

Road Trip!

Yesterday, I had to deliver some stuff to a crew we have at a remote location... Emphasis on the word "remote".

I had to check out a van, drive down to Murrieta (near Temecula -- Gee, I'm getting really familiar with that area!), pick up some equipment, then deliver it to Desert Center. There, I was met by the crew's supervisor (a guy named Al), who then delivered the equipment to Copper Basin.

I still don't know where Copper Basin is (stay tuned, I'm sure I will know sooner than I think), but I can show you Desert Center.

As you can see by this Google Earth image, Desert Center is one of the most remote towns (and I use that word loosely) in the country; Indio is 46 miles to the west, and Blythe is 47 miles to the east. Indio comprises the easternmost portion of the Palm Springs/Palm Desert area, while Blythe sits on the Colorado River, with Arizona just beyond. The big dark spot in this image is the Salton Sea.

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If you've traveled eastbound on I-10 through the California desert, you have encountered the Chiriaco Incline. It's that 10-mile long uphill climb, preceded by posted warnings that you turn off your car's AC so that you don't overheat, complete with no less than ten pull-offs with radiator water! It's located east of Indio, making it one of more challenging stretches of roadway anywhere in the country.

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About eight more miles after the incline is Chiriaco Summit, home of one of the oldest surviving desert cafés in the country (opened 1933), as well as the George S. Patton Museum (Wouldn't you know it? Now I actually have a place that I want to go to in the middle of the desert! Perhaps, one day, I will make it out there). Drive another 20 miles, and you reach Desert Center, the very definition of "wide spot in the road".

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you downtown Desert Center, California, population: 125. And yes, that gas price was $3.99/gallon! Suffice it to say that I garnered a little overtime yesterday; I didn't get back to the Lake until well after 6:30pm. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to go to work...

The Lighter Side of a Daily Ritual

This week's video takes a humorous look at something men do every day: shaving. To most guys, it's a necessary evil, having to scrap their necks with a small, multi-bladed knife every morning. I am somewhat blessed, because I don't need to shave every day, but I still don't look forward to it. This guy seems to have a novel approach to it; just watch the video and you'll see!